


Wash's adventures in child minding

by DoomNightAt12



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Comedy, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff, Future child time travels and shenanigans ensue, Gen, Illustrated, Original Character(s), Wash doesn't speak Blarg, Well Semi-Seriously, implied future Grif/Simmons, post chorus
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-03-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:15:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22994545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoomNightAt12/pseuds/DoomNightAt12
Summary: Looking after Caboose was one thing, adding Junior to the mix was another. But a time traveling teen looking for trouble? Washington realised he should be charging for his child minding services.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	Wash's adventures in child minding

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my urge to write dumb family-like stuff that includes Junior, and also ended up including a next gen oc whops.   
> This was technically my second time trying to write RvB characters, but since this was just self indulgent fluff I didn't fuss too much.   
> Illustrations by me! Come say hi and ramble about rvb to me on tumblr: LordSireno

“Yo Wash! Hey man, I need a favour.”

The ex-Freelancer mentally prepared himself for any number of Tucker’s strange requests. 

“And what would that be exactly?”

“Okay so I just got of the radio with Kimball, and she said that while she knows we’re on holiday, she wants me to go do a super cool secret mission that only I could do, and like I’d miss a chance to show my stuff.”

“Right, but…?”

“But I promised Junior we’d hang this week! He’s got his school holidays and it’s been a while since we hung out, so he’s on the next ship over. I need you to smooth things over and look after him for a few days, just until I get back.”

“Your son?”

“I’m certainly not trusting Caboose to watch him.”

“Your _alien_ son?”

“Yeah, I don’t have custody of any others. He’s mostly self-sufficient but, heh, he is my kid after all, so just keep him out of trouble.”

Tucker could practically feel the frown through Washington’s helmet.

“Hey, I’ll run whatever drills or training you want me to, if you do me a solid here. _Promise._ ”

With a sigh, Wash realised running numbers on all the things that could go wrong was pointless. He simply nodded.

“Fine, but be ready for hell when you get back.”

* * *

When Junior arrived and only saw Washington and Caboose, it didn’t take any knowledge of alien language to hear the confusion and disappointment in the ‘ _Blarg_?’

“Hey there, look- Tucker said he’d be gone one or two days, three at tops.”

Junior didn’t look impressed. Caboose didn’t read the awkward mood.

“This is gonna be AWESOME! We have the whole base to ourselves without stupid Tucker! We’re gonna play so many games, and tell stories, and make a pillow fort and Agent Washington is gonna make PANCAKES.”

Wash made a mental note to check if they even had the ingredients for pancakes.

“How about we go have lunch for now? How do sandwiches sound?”

“Blah-rg…”

Junior seemed to resign himself to what he was stuck with, so the three of them made their way back to Blue base. Reaching the kitchen, Washington already found himself at the first hurdle- What do aliens eat? The finer details of Junior’s upbringing were omitted from the tales. He’d also only been partly successful in introducing actual food into Caboose’s diet, so for the time being he laid out bread and a selection of fillings and let the two pick for themselves.

Caboose complied an everything sandwich and devoured it in record time. Junior picked a more reasonable selection, but it was clear he was eyeing Caboose the entire time. Wash mulled over his own food, wondering how to entertain the two for the next few days. He didn’t have any experience in child minding, and it certainly wasn’t something they taught in the military. In the short term, entertaining Cabooses’ ideas of fun were probably his best bet.

* * *

After an afternoon of setting up Juniors sleeping arrangements (Caboose was adamant it was a sleepover, and that the pillow fort would have to fit all three of them), Washington slipped away to the radio room, calling through to Chorus.

“ _This is Chorus operations, receiving you loud and clear.”_

“Hey, just checking that Tucker made it and didn’t, well, get side tracked.”

“ _Oh yes, Captain Tucker arrived earlier today and was promptly given his mission details. He’ll be out of contact for a while.”_

“Alright good. Oh uh, could you leave a message for him? Tell him that he’ll need a bit more than an apology to get Junior to forgive him.”

“ _Hah, understood. I’ll be sure to pass it on when he’s back in radio range. Operations out.”_

“Thanks, over and out.”

“Blaaarg!”

“No! Pizza is totally meant to look like that!”

“Blah-rrg…”

Wash picked up the pace back to the kitchen.

“Why- _How_ does it smell like burning tires in here!?”

The pizzas did not look like pizza, no matter how many times Caboose repeated his statement. However supplies were not to be wasted, so he let him eat his fill of the questionable black disks and put on anther for himself and Junior. Once it was cooked and confirmed to still be a pizza, Caboose dragged them into the pillow fort (Which was just every soft item in the base and a single sheet draped over head, held down by surplus ammo crates) and Wash flicked on one of the few movies that still played.

After only an hour, Junior and Caboose were out, snoring softly in their piles. Wash tuned off the movie and chose not to sleep on the floor, returning to his own bunk with at least a bit of confidence he was doing alright at the ‘child minding’ job.

* * *

Waking up to the base still being intact, not on fire, and no sounds of explosions, Washington allowed himself an extra lay-in. He reasoned that he’d need the extra rest to be able to keep up with Caboose and Junior, which was only cemented when 30 minutes later both came charging into his room.

“Blahrg! Blarge blarg!”

“Washington!! We have a visitor! And they’re not wearing blue!!”

Visitors never went well, but things _had_ been going too smoothly for their kind of luck.

He left the base with the level caution an invading army would bring, gun at the ready. Junior and Caboose followed close on his tail, thankfully unarmed because he really didn’t want to be shot from both sides. Out in the open plain in front of the base, they got sight of the intruder.

Dressed in armor, they had a heavier build, but would barely come up to Wash’s shoulders in height. Their orange colour was accented with red, and by their feet laid the strange shaped gun, glowing softly. Past that, they were unarmed, and seemed a bit confused.

“THERE!”

Cabooses shout drew the attention of their guest, who actually dropped their gun to wave at them, before taking a moment to compose themselves. Getting the sinking feeling of the usual antics the Reds and Blues would get into, Wash lowered his gun at they walked closer.

“Ah-ha! I knew I was close! Looks like I just landed near Blue base rather than Red…”

“Who are you and what are you doing here?” Wash raised his gun just a _little_ higher, seeing as they knew who they were.

“We are not open to sharing our secrets behind our magic right now!” Caboose added.

“Heh,” With a smug laugh their intruder struck a pose, looking like a character out of some action cartoon, “ _I-_ am a fantastic time traveller, who has come back to this day and place to prevent a great calamity that could warp the future and even prevent my existence!”

There was a long silence, before Wash turned to the Blues.

“Alright, pop quiz. What should you do if you ever meet someone claiming to be a time traveller?”

Caboose flung his arm into the air, “Oh! Oh! You should… ask them for the reason why we’re here?”

“No.”

“Blahrg honk blar-honk?”

“The answer is that you should just, ignore them. Do not get involved with time travel, and eventually they’ll just go away.”

Their guest crossed their arms with a huff, “Gee, you learn that line from Grif or something?”

“I- wait what?”

“You know the yellow guy?”

“Look I actually came here to help the Reds, so if you just point me in the direction of their base…”

Wash put his gun away, confident that the ‘time traveller’ wasn’t looking to do more harm than possible timeline alterations, and also confident that they sounded like they were only in their teens.

“There’s… a problem with that actually. The Reds went to Chorus last week looking to get new supplies and aren’t back yet. They _might_ have left Dount like usual, but we’ve heard nothing from their base to confirm that.”

The time travellers posture deflated.

“Oh… oh.”

“Yeah…”

“Hm.”

They picked up the gun and studied it for a moment, then looked around sheepishly.

“Are you going home now?”

“Well, funny thing. Turns out the time gun needs time to recharge after each leap, and it takes quite a while.”

“So you’re…”

“…stuck here.”

They went quiet again.

Then the sound of a rumbling stomach came from the visitor, to which they awkwardly rubbed their neck and wrapped an arm around their waist. Caboose began to bounce on his heels, clearly eager at the possibility of a new friend. It had been less than 24 hours since he’d begun babysitting, but with a sigh, Wash couldn’t help but be in caretaker mode.

“Want to join us for breakfast? Everyone should be back in a day or two.”

They kicked at the dirt, “…You Blues wouldn’t mind… me hanging around for a bit?”

“I mean, I was going to see if Red base had maple syrup anyway. We can even see if Dount’s around.”

Their posture brightened immediately, “Oh! Grif keeps the key to his secret sweet stash taped under his laundry basket! I bet we’ll find some in there!”

“And you know that how?”

They jogged over to the three Blues, holding up one finger in a ‘shh’ motion.

“Secret~!”

“Oh I love secrets! And I am _very_ good at keeping them! Tucker told me about his ‘secret stash’ and I only told everyone here. You can trust me new friend!” Caboose was quick to their side, watching as they laughed.

“Hey, we didn’t get your name. Or is that a secret too?”

“Nah, I’ll tell you that. It’s Karina Grimmons.”

“Now why does that sound familiar?”

“It’s a long story that I don’t want to explain. You’ll just have to wait for the future~”

* * *

Breakfast was a messy affair. Grif’s stash was raided for more than syrup, and the stacks of pancakes Wash built up began to topple as the three at the table grabbed for them. The entire table was covered in toppings, which Caboose tried to clean by licking, and the floor became a minefield of sprinkles and freeze dried fruit.

Karina was found to be extremely chatty, and yet not say much of anything, managing to keep a lid on any ‘spoilers’ she had from the future. Under their helmet was a shock of short, red hair in thick rings and flicks, set against their golden skin. Her eyes were equally golden, daring about in rapid observation of everyone, as well as the base. They followed along with Cabooses rambling, and even held a conversation with Junior as she claimed alien languages were compulsory at school.

“I could teach you some if you’re interested!”

The last of the batter had become Wash’s own neat stack away from the chaos, ready to be drowned in syrup. The idea of actually being able to understand Junior's native language had been put on the ‘list of things for next time’.

“That would be really handy, actually.”

Once the pancakes were gone, Karina began explaining the basics of alien language during clean up. Junior pitched in to fix her pronunciation and inflections, and Caboose just made noises to join in. When there was no more threat of sticky fingers or stepping in mush, Wash brought out paper for Karina to write on, and Caboose grabbed some to draw on.

“So these here are the base syllables, and from these you can build up most words. So this here is-“

“-Blahr.”

“Which can be then formed to make the word-“

“Blahrg-honk.”

“Riiiight…”

Wash leaned back, squinting at the words which were all rather similar.

“Blarg honk honk blarh.”

“Yeah, maybe if we use some context…”

Junior stepped away, finding his school bag that he’s brought with him. After some shuffling, he returned to the table with a stack of books and a paper titled in English, ‘A brief overview of Earth history’.

“Oh, this I know!”

Wash picked up one of the books and flicked through it, smiling. Karina picked out another, skipping to near the end where it began to explain the Great War.

“A bit out of date to me, but there’s more detail than the history books I have. Man they really skip the good stuff sometimes.”

“Good stuff?”

“Yeah! They think just because we’re at peace, they should leave out all the details. Like, you know how many compulsory reading books have details about the amazing things the Reds and Blues have done? One! And it’s just a vague mention relating to the conflict of Chorus.”

Karina put the book down with a dramatic sigh, turning her attention to Caboose’s art. Glue was starting to spill off the page where he’d dumped a bit too much while trying to add sticks and grass to his drawing. The growing collection of pages almost looked like a story.

“Ah I think I recognise this one…”

“You sure know a lot about the Reds and Blues.”

Karina was quick to put up her ‘shush’ gesture, but her cheeks went red and she looked to the side.

“…I grew up on the stories of the adventures of the Reds and Blues. From life in a box canyon to fighting aliens and super soldiers and wars, how could I not be a fan! But then ‘peace came to galaxy’ and now life is a bore fest.”

She pouted, ignoring the look Junior was giving her. Wash could see that their views on war and peace could differ, Junior having been born during the conflicts in Blood Gulch and grown up as an ambassador between humans and aliens when tensions were still high. Karina by the sound of it, hadn’t known conflict in their time, and had come in search of trouble, fuelled by war stories.

“While I’m not sure what you’ve heard, or who’ve you’d heard them from,” He glanced at Caboose, “I can tell you war isn’t all cool battles and epic slow-motion moments, it’s a serious matter, and you should be glad for any opportunity besides being drafted.”

She scrunched her nose, “You sound like the school’s guidance councilor.”

“I’m just saying, surely there must be other chances for adventure in your time. It’s a big galaxy out there.”

Karina didn’t reply, but their face relaxed to a more thoughtful expression. Pleased that they were at least thinking about it, Wash turned back to Junior and began helping him pick points from the few history books available.

* * *

Wash had reserved the afternoon for some training, but with three young’ins to keep an eye on, he was trying to find something to balance both. He opened up suggestions to see if there was anything similar they could agree on.

Caboose suggested things like ‘the quiet game’ or the ‘go far away from me’ game, things that he proudly claimed Church had taught him.

Junior, with help of Karina’s translation, suggested more normal school style games, like dodgeball, capture the flag or cops and robbers.

Karina herself proclaimed she wanted to try some actual military training that involved ‘guns, lazers, explosions, stealth and Kungfu. All at once.’.

Considering they had the entire place to themselves and time to burn, a game of Hide-and-Seek/Capture the flag/Tag was created. Everyone was on their own team with their own flag, and the goal was to steal the other flags and return to your base, however you could choose to hide with your flag, and if you get tagged you change sides to their team.

The mildly confused stares Wash got as he tried to explain the rules and how they matched each game lead him to just cut it down.

“Steal flags, switch sides if tagged. Winner has most flags.”

There was a collective “Oooooh”, which Caboose was clearly just copying.

“However, we’ll do stretches before we start. Best to be ready before any exercise.”

Wash began to demonstrate, but Caboose mostly began flailing about, rapidly copying the motions he thought were stretches. Junior did his best, changing what he needed to so it suited himself. Karina was on the heavier side for a teen of around 15 years, but when she caught Wash looking at her, she flashed a smug grin.

“Don’t worry ‘bout me, this chub is genetic. I already do my best to keep fit, check it!”

Karina twisted herself to prove how flexible they were, following the stretches with little trouble.

“And don’t you dare go easy on running from me or you’ll be sorry.”

The four of them split up, each with their own makeshift ‘flags’ (being four clean coloured shirts tied to broom and mops.). After counting to 100, the game was on.

Or at least Wash counted. When he looked out from his hiding spot, Karina was already sprinting after Caboose, keeping good pace against the rookies long legs. Accepting that the game probably wouldn’t flow like he was thinking, he jogged away from him own spot to hunt for Junior. He followed the circuit around the two bases that he usually got the Blues to run for training, eventually spying Junior ducked behind a ridge, obviously looking out to where Caboose was artfully dodging Karina’s swipes at his bright blue shirt-flag. With the stealth he was quite proud of, Wash placed a hand on Juniors shoulder.

“Think we could take them?”

Shaking off the initial shock, Junior nodded. He made a few gestures, suggesting a pincer manoeuvre.

“Good plan. On my mark.”

Karina let out a triumphant shout.

“Go!”

Junior charged right, startling Karina who shouted for Caboose to run. With their attention on the rather athletic alien, as soon as they picked up speed Wash dashed out from the left, cutting off their escape. He swiped the two flags as she tried to change direction, but Caboose continued forward, knocking down both Wash and Karina. Now in a tangled pile, Junior picked up the three flags and waved them above his head, grinning.

“Oooh, sneaky bastard. Reset! Best of three! I won’t lose to some dirty Blues.”

Karina snatched back her flag and took off, Caboose following suit. They played another six rounds, Junior winning another by using his long arms to snatch at a distance, Wash winning two mostly by stealth, Karina winning one after finding spear tackling wasn’t against the rules and Caboose winning one by sheer confusion. As the sixth round dragged on, the four found themselves all out in the open by one of the drying ponds. It was team Karina and Junior vs team Washington and Caboose, but the glint in the former teams eyes practically sealed their victory.

“Charge!”

Karina and Junior barrelled towards them at full speed.

“This way!”

“Caboose wait no-!”

Grabbing Wash’s arm, Caboose pulled him backwards of all directions, right towards the pond. Karina leapt with a roar, colliding with his side. Then Junior reached them, collecting Wash and Caboose under each arm as they all sailed into the shallow water, spraying mud everywhere.

They were all completely covered, including the flags.

“Does that mean we all win?”

* * *

Karina got first dibs on the showers. With all their armor lined up outside ready to be cleaned off, Wash hunted through the clean laundry that had yet to be put away in hopes to find something for their guest that would fit. The best he could do was one of their shirts and a pair of track pants with the legs rolled up and working drawstring, which Karina seemed happy enough with. He pulled out some casual clothes for himself and Caboose as well, leaving himself for last on the shower list.

When he got in, the water was almost cold, and by the time he was out he found the other three making a mess of the ‘living room’. The pillow fort had been flattened and furniture re-arranged, the chairs now on top of the table and the ammo crates balancing haphazardly on each other.

Washington chose to ignore the chaos, turning for the kitchen to start dinner, looking to avoid the previous nights pizza situation. He wasn’t the best cook on the Blue team (A title Tucker was very proud of), but he could at least boil pasta and mix it with sauce without having it combust.

Once he was happy the stove could be left alone, he checked on the chaos (The sheets were dropping every time they tried to sling them up), and then went outside to hose the mud off the armor. He took a bit of extra time to turn over Karina’s armor, seeing how it was similar to the look of their current set, but had clearly been modified in some unknown ways. There were extra latches for mods most likely, and different layers to cover circuitry that ran down into the gauntlets and shin guards. There were also some cosmetic points, like a little ring of rhinestones on the side of the helmet and the almost tattoo like print on the shoulder and upper arm plate. There weren’t any signs of anything dangerous, so he left it to dry with the rest and returned to the base.

By the time he’d served up dinner, the fort had been reconstructed, larger and more precarious. Caboose dragged him into the middle, sitting to his left while Karina leaned in from the right. Junior was to Karina’s right, but seemed to be partly stuck holding down one of the blankets. The same movie was playing, but Caboose could now loudly talk about it to Karina, both pushing Washington back each time they pointed something out. By the time the movie finished, Wash was pinned by the three sleeping bodies, and he had to accept his fate of sleeping on the floor.

* * *

When the next day rolled around, the mood was much more sombre. There hadn’t been a peep from the comms, and while no one voiced it, it put them on edge not to hear anything from their friends.

Once freed from the sleep pile, Wash stretched and excused himself to the radio room to make the call to Chorus. At first there was no response, the static only adding to the sinking feeling, until on the 5th try Operations responded.

“Hey Operations, I was just hoping to get an update on the situation with Tucker-“

“Hey!” Karina had poked her head into the room, “Ask about the Reds too!”

“-Or if the Reds are still on Chorus.”

“ _…Agent Washington, can you hold the line please?”_

“Uh, sure.”

The call went quiet, and Karina crept further in, making a questioning expression. Wash shrugged in return, not exactly sure what this was a sign of.

After a few minutes, a familiar voice called through.

“ _Agent Washington, this is Venessa Kimball, do you read?”_

“I read you Kimball. What’s the situation?”

The was a pause, then a sigh.

“ _So the mission I sent Tucker on was a small, diplomatic matter, involving a few aliens who had settled on an outer edge of the continent. A day trip, with Matthews and Palomo. Maybe 3 hours out of local comm range. They was supposed to be back within the day, but-“_

“He wasn’t.” Wash held his own sigh, knowing this wouldn’t be the end of it.

“ _Right. So I sent another squad to investigate, and with a larger radio so they could call the moment they made contact.”_

“But they didn’t?”

“ _So then yesterday the Reds overhear, so they leave their supplies and claim they’ll go get everyone back-“_

“I think I see the pattern. Though, why didn’t you call as soon as something seemed wrong?”

“ _You all said you were after a break, so I thought we could handle it and not bother you- I mean Tucker said something about babysitting? And while my gut is saying it’s nothing serious, it certainly seems like something that needs help from someone… used to the antics of those people.”_

“Right… right.” Images of Tucker and the Reds stuck down a hole, using their radios to try to build something outlandish crossed him mind. “Send a ship over, I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

_“Thanks Wash.”_

He let out a sigh, stuck with the feeling like he should have expected this all. Now he was on a rescue mission, except-

“WHOOOO! Road trip!” Caboose hollered loudly and threw up his arms, now in the doorway with Junior who copied his enthusiasm. Karina struck another cartoonish pose.

“Oh! This must be the calamity I was destined to help with! I knew the past would get exciting!”

“Just so you know, when it comes to these guys there’s every possibility they’re just… stuck down a hole or something.”

“The hole of the calamity!”

“Road trip!!”

“Baaaaarg!!”

Wash could see this would be a long trip.


End file.
